


My New World

by winchesters_memory



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dean Winchester Loves The Impala, Dorms, F/M, Freshman Year, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jess and Meg are like bffs, John is dead, M/M, Marijuana, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2020-12-28 02:27:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21129260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchesters_memory/pseuds/winchesters_memory
Summary: Castiel Novak is a freshman in college with an unusual first year experience. From his first meeting with Dean Winchester, juggling classes, and keeping his secrets hidden, he has a full plate.Inspired by a Tumblr post. ifunny.co/picture/au-dean-he-looks-shady-his-earlier-roommate-ran-away-k8X1EPWw3 (couldn't find orginal, but here is the post from ifunny)So this is loosely based on my freshman year of college. Obviously I'm not Castiel, but I find it is easier to express myself in a character, makes my life seem interesting. It is a dark story, viewer discretion is advised.ON HIATUS UNTIL 2020RETURNING FEBRUARY 2/9/2020 AND WILL UPDATE REGULARLY WEEKLY





	1. New Soul

** _September 2009_ **

Castiel had turned on his music when seven steady knocks hit his door, Avenged Sevenfold softly filling the air around him. Opening the door, he saw two boys on the other side. One was tall with shaggy brown hair, the other was shorter and had the most stunning green eyes he had ever seen.

“I’m your new roommate,” the green-eyed boy said after a moment of silence between the three.

Castiel smiled sheepishly and the boy smiled with him.

“Dean, he looks shady. His earlier roommate ran away,” the tall one said quickly in a hushed whisper.

Castiel felt his heart drop.

“Shut up, Sammy. He looks adorable.”

Now he felt his heart stop.

Castiel cleared his throat, trying to ignore his comment, as he felt a hotness grow on his cheeks. He looked to his feet, “He just felt we weren’t getting along,” his gaze fixed back at the boys “… and filed for a new room assignment.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was not the whole truth. “So, um, no running there.” He forced a laugh.

“Sorry about him, I’m Dean, this is my brother, Sam.” Dean said, extending a hand to Castiel.

“Nice to meet you guys.” Castiel smiled, shaking Dean’s hand. Sam provided a half-assed smile in suspicion of his brother’s new roommate.

“And he was just leaving.” Dean said, turning to Sam.

Sam huffed in response, “Alright Dean, be careful.” Sam said as he patted Dean’s shoulder.

“Call me when your plane lands.”

“Will do.” With that, Sam nodded to them both, giving Castiel one last once over, seemingly to mentally pray for his brother’s safety and walked down the hall.

Castiel gestured for Dean to come into the dorm.

“Thanks,” Dean smirked and picked up the backpack and box of knick-knacks off the ground.

Castiel grabbed Dean’s two remaining duffels off the ground behind him and nudged the door to close. Dean’s back was to Castiel, he could hear Dean clear his throat as he turned around back to him.

“So, I saw your name on the form, but honestly, I don’t know how to pronounce it.” He admitted with a shrug.

Castiel chuckled lightly, “Cass-tee-yell.”

“Cas-ti-el.” Dean repeated slowly and Castiel could swear he felt a shiver up his spine, it sounded beautiful on his tongue.

“So, our rooms are right down the hall.” He gestured to the right of the entrance. “My room is linked by the bathroom, kitchen is behind you,” he nodded behind Dean, “and this is the living room”.

“Linked by the bathroom?” Dean asked, understanding everything except that one snippet of information.

“Yeah, I’ll show you.” Castiel nodded to the hallway.

They stopped in between two doors, “This one is yours,” Castiel walked into the open door in the right and put Dean’s bags down on the bed.

Dean had just noticed Castiel was carrying his bags, he had forgotten all about them, “Thank you for grabbing those, I didn’t even notice…”

“No problem,” He smiled and turned to the bathroom door.

_You’re oddly nice to him. Something to do with those-_

“Shut up.” Castiel whispered under his breath.

“Hm?”

“Hm? Nothing- here is the bathroom.” Castiel quickly opened the door. The shower was to their right and the sink and toilet were closest to Castiel’s room. “Sadly, the light is fried, so I improvised and set up a lamp.”

“No problem for me, makes it different, right?” Dean replied, hand coming up to pat Castiel on the back.

Castiel stiffened.

“Shoot sorry, didn’t mean to-“

“No, um, don’t worry about it,” Castiel replied, oddly calm. “So, my room is here,” he opened the other door in the bathroom.

Dean followed, “Oh, so, literally linked. What if you’re walked in on?”

Castiel had a flash of memories begin to flood his mind.

_ You forgot to lock his door. He realized just a little too late. _

_ Th__e_ _door swung open and Castiel froze in his place. The bathroom lamp was dim, but it illuminated the open doorway enough to allow him to see Balthazar’s face. _

“You- um, no- walked in- no- there’s a lock on the inside, and I always use the fan when I'm in here, even showering...” Castiel stumbled over his words as he moved to the bathroom door to show Dean the lock. 

Dean looked at him with furrowed brows, like he was a ticking bomb. “You good?”

Castiel turned around and shook his head, trying to rid the memories from his mind, “Yes, sorry. No one has been here since Balth moved out.”

“How long have you been alone?” Dean asked, genuine concern in his voice.

“Well, Balth moved out about two weeks ago, so not long.” Which was a lie, Balthazar moved out immediately after the incident. Castiel didn’t even see him the next morning, he was alone for over a month and a half.

He didn’t want to lie to Dean, but if he knew the truth, he’d go running too.

Dean turned to begin unpacking bed sheets from his bag. “Still, all by yourself here.”

“Not so bad, I like being alone.” Castiel turned to face Dean now.

“I hate it; Sammy and I have been attached at the hip for our entire lives.”

Castiel smiled, “That must be nice.”

“Only child?” Dean asked, moving his bags to the floor to put the sheets on his bed.

“Yup... Need some help?”

Dean nodded, “Thanks.”


	2. I’m Going Through Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rewind 2 months. Dean POV. Day Dean receives his acceptance letter.

** _July 2009_ **

Dean jogged from the mailbox into his house, he had been waiting for his letter for two months. His future was in his hands. It took him nearly all his courage to apply for college in the first place.

Dean had always been hell bent on simply finding a job after high school or living his life on the road in the sweet 1967 Chevrolet Impala his Dad left him in his will.

It wasn’t until he and his brother, Sam, got talking, seriously talking, that he really started thinking about his future. Dean loved the passion in his little brother’s eyes when he talked about attending Stanford and his dream of becoming a lawyer.

Dean slept on the idea a couple weeks and at the end of his senior year, he felt he knew what he wanted to do. He thought about what major he could choose and plethoras of memories from his childhood clouded his mind. As a kid, his Dad, John, taught him everything he knew about cars. Dean decided to submit his application to Texas Institute of Technology declaring his major in Electrical Engineering and try to use that to do something with Mechanics after graduation.

“Sam, get down here!” Dean shouted, trying not to get his hopes up as the closed door behind him. He noticed his hand shook slightly as he held the letter.

_ Dude are you that scared? _ He mentally scolded himself.

Dean looked up as he heard Sam barrel down the steps, stopping himself before knocking Dean down like a bowling pin.

“Yeah?” Sam questioned, his eyes looking to the letter in Dean’s hand. “Oh, it’s here,” Sam smiled at his brother.

Dean only nodded in response. He was lost in his head. Dean knew he should be excited, he had waited so long, but dangerous thoughts began to caress his mind.

_ You didn’t get accepted. _

_ You knew it was a long shot. _

_ You applied late as hell too- _

A tearing sound brought him back to reality. Sam had snatched the letter out of his hands and began to rip it open.

“Dude!” Dean interjected.

“Relax, I’m not gonna read it.” Sam scoffed, looking to his brother. “God only knows when you were planning on opening it though.”

Dean opened his mouth to come back at Sam but closed immediately, pursing his lips in agreement, he knew his brother was right.

Dean took a deep breath, “Maybe you should...open it…” He mumbled, all efforts of confidence erased.

Sam raised his eyebrows. “You’re that scared?”

Dean’s eyes didn’t meet Sam’s but instead flew slightly past his shoulder.

“I’m not-,” his voice cracked. Dean retracted and cleared his throat, his eyes finally met Sam’s. “Okay yeah. I am. So? Weren’t you?” Sam had received his letter from Stanford in December. 

Sam clenched his jaw, “Yes. I was bu-“

“See!” Dean started, but Sam cut him off.

“But I knew that whatever happened, whatever the outcome, I would be alright.” Sam said softly, trying to comfort his brother.

“Easy for you to say. Mister ‘I get to skip like seven grades’.’” Dean mocked, with air quotes and all.

Sam laughed and lightly punched at Dean’s shoulder.

“First, it was only two and are you gonna open it or not?” Sam said, holding the letter to his brother.

“Only two,” Dean mocked, dropping his head, his chin came to rest on his chest.

He huffed, shook his head, and quickly lifted his arm to snatch the letter from Sam. Dean raised his head again, with one final breath and a glance at his brother, he opened the torn envelope.

The paper unfolded in his hands and started to scan the words on the page. “Holy shit,” Dean whispered. Sam smiled; he knew Dean got in. There was never a doubt in his mind.

“Holy shit,” he said again, louder this time. Dean finally lowered his arm and looked at Sam who was smiling like a fool. “I’m in...”

“I knew it!” Sam yelled, raising his arms in triumph.

“Boys!” A soft female voice shouted from the kitchen, not an ounce of anger behind it. “What’s with the yelling?”

Dean smiled at Sam before running to the kitchen to tell their mother the good news, Sam trailed after him.

“Mom. I’m in. I got in!” Dean exclaimed, socks sliding him to a stop behind his mother.

Mary whipped around from the stove, the apron around her neck swinging with her sudden movement. The confusion on her face wiped away in less than a second when she looked to Dean and then the paper in his hand.

“Oh congratulations! I knew you would, Honey.” Mary hummed softly as she made her way to Dean, raising her arms to embrace him in a tight, yet soft, hug.

“I’m so proud of you, Dean.” She whispered into his neck, closing her eyes. Dean held her in his arms.

Mary opened her eyes and saw Sam smiling down at the two of them.

“And you too, Sammy.” She said, reaching her arms out to the younger boy. “I can’t believe you’re both college boys now...”

Sam joined their embrace and wrapped his arms around both of them. They held the family hug for a moment before letting each other go.

After they all pulled away from one another, Mary looked at both of her boys. “Your Dad is proud of you both too.” She smiled, her eyes filling with tears. Sam and Dean rarely showed emotion around anyone else, but around their mother, they were fair game.

The boys tried to hide their tear-filled eyes. After John died, Mary took on both parental roles, and she did it with immense beauty and grace.

“Nuh-uh, you can’t hide those eyes from me.” She smiled through her tears. Sam and Dean looked to her once again.

“Enough of the water works.” Dean declared, as he cleared his throat and looked to the stove. “Whatever that is, it smells damn good.”

“Dean!” Mary scolded.

“Darn. Darn good.” Dean smiled cheekily.

Their dinner was shared at the table. Mary had made spaghetti, their favorite. She had made some apple pie before dinner and surprised the boys with it at the table for dessert. Dean was elated and had two pieces before tapping out.

With full bellies and the dinner conversation consisting of their futures, Sam and Dean kissed their Mom’s cheek and went upstairs.

Sam and Dean made their way to Sam’s room to continue their conversation from dinner. 

“So, living on your own… How do you feel?” Sam asked Dean as their backs crashed on the bed. 

“I’m excited above all. Of course, I’m scared, but this is a new chapter. I’m just glad I got in. How are you feeling about all this?” Dean asked, getting lost in the glow in the dark stars still stuck on the ceiling from the previous residents.

“First off, there was never any doubt from anyone under this roof that you wouldn’t get in, Dean.” Sam said sincerely. 

“You’re my brother, don’t you have to say that?” 

Sam glared at Dean in response, “I don’t have to say anything, Jerk,” he laughed as he shoved Dean off the bed. 

“Bitch.” Dean choked out as he collided with the ground, where he was laughing his ass off. “But really…” Dean began as his laughter subsided.

Sam sat up, looking to Dean who was now on his back, not bothering to get up from the floor yet. “How do you feel?”

“Honestly, I am terrified,” Sam finally admitted, “Stanford is far. I know I can take care of myself, but I know how much Mom loves taking care of us, she’s said over a thousand times. I mean- you know after Dad, she never even tried to be with anyone else.”

Dean jumped from the floor to the edge of the bed facing Sam, “I know, but she’ll be okay. She’s got Ellen and Jo wrapped around her fingers, they’re family. They’ll take care of her. She has her painting classes and she’s working on that book.” He began to reason with a smile, “I’m going to miss her a lot too, but it’s not forever, Sammy, we’re coming back. Every break and after college too.”

Sam nodded in understanding, “You’re right, I just don’t want her to be sad.” 

“She won’t be. Just don’t forget about her when you’re 21 hours away, eatin’ up all the smokin’ Cali chicks.” Dean joked.

“Hey! I could say the same for you, asshat. I know you won’t keep those frats out of your pants.” Sam snapped back.

Dean began howling in laughter again, as he got up from the bed. Sam was the only person under the sun that knew Dean was gay. “Dude you know it’s gonna be a field day. It’s college I mean… C’mon, college!” His hands went up in triumph. 

“Ha-ha-ha, very funny. You forgot about studying and classes?” Sam questioned, yawning.

“Of course not… but in the meantime,” Dean piped up, walking to the door, letting out a yawn too, “you tired? I feel like I’m gonna crash.” 

Sam rolled his eyes, snickering, “yeah, I’m exhausted,” he finished, getting up from the bed to put on his pajamas.

“You know it, you look exhausted,” Dean said opening Sam’s door, “G’night, Sammy.”

“Night- and Dean-”

“Yeah?”

“Congrats, I’m really proud of you.”

Dean smiled, “Thanks, you too,” he said, closing Sam’s door behind him. 

Dean opened the door to his room, the stale, crisp air from his summer candles mixed with the old window drapes punched him in the face. It wasn’t his favorite scent, but he was used to it now.

_ You know, you hate it now, but you’ll miss it when you’re gone. _

“Yeah, I know.” He mumbled to no one as he pulled the string from the fan, turning on the light. Dean changed into a shirt and boxers, quickly turning back off the light and blowing out the candles. His knees hit his bed and his chest followed. He adjusted himself and brought his arms to rest under his head. Dean stared at the ceiling, thinking about everything. He would miss the late-night conversations with Sam and homemade pie whenever he wanted.

“Not too long now.” He said as he drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploaded early. Thanks for the kudos and thank you to anyone who has even glanced at this. I'm just getting into writing and this is my first actual story. 
> 
> Italics mean that the character's inner voice, like a thought bubble.
> 
> It is a little shaky, but again, thank you to any one possibly keeping up with this story, I really appreciate it.


	3. The Un-expandable Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel might step out of his comfort zone.

** _July 2009_ **

June burned red hot at Texas Institute of Technology and July was not any different. Halfway through the summer semester, Castiel found his mind had started to wander back to his dark thoughts, being that he was constantly isolated.

He was not totally alone, though, Castiel had one roommate, Balthazar. Balthazar already moved in and claimed he wanted to for the summer to take classes, which Castiel knew was a load of BS. He speculated that Balthazar did not go to any classes, he just needed a place to crash before the fall semester began, and since Castiel was already there, they were paired together.

Castiel didn’t really mind, Balthazar was quiet and kept to himself, but his friends Raphael and Uriel were loud. He did his best to pop in the ear buds and crank the volume when he needed quiet time to study or do homework.

In his Physics I class on a scorching Thursday afternoon, Castiel failed to notice the petite, hazel-blond girl tap his right shoulder. His mind had started to wander when he stopped listening to the Intro to Quantum Mechanics video his professor displayed on the projector. 

_ I need to stop going to bed at 2am. _He thought, head resting on his left palm. 

“Psst… psst!” He heard, finally.

“Hm!” He jumped as the sound brought him back to earth, “Shit, sorry, I zoned out.” Castiel admitted.

“That’s okay,” she giggled, “So listen, I know this is out there, but my friend, Meg, and I were talking and wanted to ask if you would like to join us for a party this weekend?” She whispered. “We wanted to get to know you better.”

Castiel had spoken to this girl only once or twice. Friendly conversation because they sat next to each other or the three of them would work on group assignments together. For a change, Castiel was interested in the idea of getting out and doing something. Yeah, Balthazar kept him relatively alright company, but he needed to get out.

“Jessica, right?”

She nodded, “That’s Meg,” she gestured with a head nod to her right, “Castiel?” She questioned.

He nodded. 

There was an empty pause between them, “So, yes?” She smiled, her voice soft.

Castiel glanced slightly over her shoulder, Meg was sitting next to Jessica, her eyes fixed on the screen, obviously trying not to look over to them.

_ There isn’t any harm in it? _

Castiel smiled, a genuine smile, he found. _ Are you getting better? Those are so uncommon _.

He turned back to her, “I don’t see why not.”

He would have said no, but he knew he had to at least try to push himself to do new things. Castiel would give anything to get away from his old habits from resurfacing, even if that meant wading out of his comfort zone.

Castiel exchanged numbers with both of the girls after class. The weather was killer, that was a given being in Texas. Nonetheless, the three chatted for another fifteen minutes, Castiel told the girls he had to go home and study, which was a lie, he wanted to nap. 

“See you tomorrow night, Clarence.” Meg grinned as her and Jessica walked away

Castiel cocked his head at the comment, “I- my name-,”

Meg just continued to smile, which caused Castiel to drop what he was saying and shake his head chuckling a bit at the nickname.

He turned to walk away, grabbed his earbuds out of the side pocket of his backpack, and turned on his latest playlist, ‘Well Here’s This Now’ from his Spotify. It was randomly titled and only consisted of roughly 15 songs he was interested in at the moment, like many of his other playlists.

Castiel got home in less than ten minutes walking. The Math and Physics building where class was, was far from his dorm, but not as far as other buildings. When he got in, he noticed Balthazar was home, but didn’t hear Raphael or Uriel.

_ I might actually be able to nap without the fucking douche-squad screaming at the top of their lungs. _

As soon as he got into his room, he threw his bag on the floor of his room and took a nose dive into his bed, drifting off to sleep with his earbuds still in. 

He was woken up five hours later, his ringtone replacing the mediocre playlist that filled his head. Lifting his phone in front of his face, he saw the name displayed was ‘Dad’, he didn’t answer it. Castiel unplugged his earbuds, and with a groan, walked over to his curtain. As he pulled it back, a black sheet of night sky was revealed. “Good thing I had nothing due today, “ he said to no one. 

Castiel fell back onto his bed, it was now, “11:32pm,” he read from the clock display. His Thursday class always ran later than his Tuesday class. 

Castiel made the decision to shower and lay in bed until he fell asleep. The last thing he felt was dread wash over him like he was being drowned. 

_ Why do I feel like tomorrow is going to be a disaster? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween! Not a full chapter, but if I keep thinking about this chapter I will legit die. Just a Halloween gift, a tiny surprise. I will also post the next full chapter on Monday, like usual. Sorry this one is short. Hope you enjoy!


	4. Life of the Night Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party time! Or lack of that there is...

** _July 2009_ **

“Seven thirty,” He read, “I should probably decide on something… party-ish to wear.” He said, pushing off the bed and making his way to the closet.

Castiel pulled the door opened and scanned his options, right finger tapping on his chin. After what felt like an eternity of weighing his options, he decided on black jeans, a white v-neck, and a red and black flannel. He put on some light cologne as he dressed.

“Okay, that looks alright,” Castiel tried to encourage himself in the mirror, “Is it too late to change m-” he was cut off by a buzz from his phone.

**Meg: ** We’re at your place. 221, right?

_ Guess not _ .

**Castiel: ** Yeah.

He sent the text and shoved his phone in his pocket. Not five seconds later did he hear a knock on his bedroom door.

“Some girls here for you, Cassie,” He heard Bathazar’s British accent muffled by the door. He grabbed his keys and wallet off his desk and gave himself one last look in the mirror.

_ Have I really gained weight already, how does 125 look so fat? _

Castiel sighed, disappointed in knowing he couldn’t do anything about how he looked now. He made his way to the door, locking it as he left.

Castiel met the girls outside his dorm. “Ready?” They asked in unison, smiling up at him, light wind running through their hair.

He looked between the girls; he thought they looked beautiful. Castiel offered them his most convincing smile he could muster up.

Meg was dressed in black skinny jeans and a black leather jacket, Jessica in a white sunflower dress with a light gray cardigan. Both of them had their hair in spiral curls.

“As I’ll ever be.” And with that, they piled into Jessica’s baby blue Volkswagen Beetle; Castiel shuffled to the back seat, Meg took shotgun, and they made their way to the party.

With little conversation on the way and the girls screaming every song they knew, they arrived at the house shortly after 8:30, the sun was slowly starting to set, but the house was lit up with lights on the patio and a bonfire on the front lawn. He noticed the Greek lettering over the doorway and the bodies littering the yard.

_ Oh God, a frat party, how could I have been so naive? Well... where else would this have been? This was a mistake. God, how could I have been so stupid _ ?

Castiel thought as he unconsciously started to scratch at his thumbs with his index fingers, a nervous habit he had ever since he was a kid.

“Are we late?” Castiel asked trying to calm himself as he leaned between the girls from the backseat of the parked car. They giggled at him as they turned around.

“Well,” Meg started, Castiel’s eyes looking between the two of them, “Just think of us as fashionably late…” she grinned.

“Ah.” He replied, voice monotone, he was already dreading this. They all got out of the car together and the girls came to walk on either side of him as they made their way to the door.

_ How far would you get if you just bolted in the other direction? They would yell and yell and you would just ignore them and not stop running till you got back home. _

He chuckled at his own mental comment. Jessica noticed this, “What’s so funny?” she asked smiling, looking at Castiel.

“Just thinking about how both of you failed to mention this was a frat party.” He lied quickly, both the girls were looking at him now, “What’s the matter with a frat party?” Meg laughed lightly.

“Well, for starters-,” he began but was cut off when they walked into the house.

He looked to the ceiling in awe. Before him were two staircases outlining the room. Under them, he could see the opening to a kitchen and a living room area. He couldn’t see very much past that due to the entire house being covered in dancing bodies.

“Wow.”  _ Dancing bodies and loud shitty music. _

“Castiel, welcome to Alpha Kappa Alpha.” Meg’s voice strained to be louder than the music, “Or better known as just Alpha.”

“Why just Alpha?” He asked.

“Because the guys here think they’re all Alphas.” Jessica replied and rolled her eyes comically. The three of them laughed. “Want some drinks?” Castiel and Meg nodded and the three of them navigated to the kitchen.

The kitchen’s population was much lighter than the entrance due to the lack of entertainment. A brunette girl standing at the island in the kitchen caught Jessica’s eyes. She was filling a punch bowl with what looked like vodka, cranberry juice, and sprite.

“Castiel, this is Ruby.” Jessica introduced with her hand out. Castiel offered a short wave as Ruby looked over him, she smiled in return. “Her brother is hosting the party.”

“Wait, Casa-wha?” Ruby giggled.

“Cass-tee-yell” He enunciated.

“Nice to meet you.”

Castiel gave a small head nod, the fact that he was here with Jessica and Meg was astonishing in itself. He wasn’t big on making connections with people. He had walls; he liked his walls.

“So, need any help with anything?” Jessica asked.

“Actually, yes.” Ruby started, “Can you find any sharpies? And I need some cardboard. Check in the study, there might be some in there.” The girls nodded and began scouring the house to look for what she needed, leaving Castiel alone with Ruby.

He didn’t know what to do with himself, he stood there with his hands in his pockets, admiring the house.

_ For a frat house, this place looks nice. _

“Cassie? Shit, is that alright? Casti-or whatever is a bit of a mouthful.” Ruby asked, bringing his attention back to her.

“Sure, that’s what my roommate calls me. You need something?” He tried to ask without sounding like a dick.

“Yes, outside in the back, there’s a storage shack up the hill...” She started, “It has extra ‘punch’ bowls. Mind grabbing them for me?” She winked, obvious quotations around the word punch.

“Sure.”  _ Gives me a chance to get out of here for a sec. _

“Thank you, it’s a little bit of a walk and be careful of the hill, sharp rocks.” Ruby warned.

Castiel nodded and headed outside. The back patio was almost as bare as the kitchen, people were sitting and relaxing, their gazes fixed on the sky. Castiel followed and could see the sun setting, pink and orange danced in front of it. Just under that was a hill covered in trees.

“Ah, I assume that is where the shack is.” He mumbled to himself and made his way to the hill.

_ It’s probably so deserted because most of the entertaining shit is in the front. They’re probably showing off to everyone who wasn’t invited. _

_ Was I invited? Do people ‘get invited’ to these things? _

His mind stopped once he got to the hill, he strained his neck to look at the top where a small shack was standing. It was steep. Steeper than he thought.

“Did I make that bad of an impression? She sent me to my death.” He panned.

Castiel's eyes caught the sharp rocks after he found the ‘steps’ leading to the storage shack, grooves in the ground just big enough to fit shoes into. He had broken a sweat by the time he hit the top. Castiel could see the colors in the sky, navy blue now replacing the pink and orange that was there before.

The house was in his view; the patio was now nearly abandoned. He turned to open the shack and a musty scent filling his nose. The shack was clean and organized for the most part but the dust lining the items in it revealed to Castiel that it hadn’t been visited recently.

“Punch bowls... punch bowls...” He mumbled as looked around. He lifted a box and saw two large plastic bowls under it. “Ah, gotcha.”

He retrieved the bowls and closed the shacks’ door behind him.

_ How the hell are you supposed to get down with this stuff? _ He thought as he looked at the ‘steps’ that really weren’t.

“Shit…” Castiel pondered what to do for a moment. He shrugged and decided to wrap the bowls in his flannel and toss it off.

Castiel started himself down the ‘steps’, he found it was difficult because he had trouble finding where his feet should land. Halfway down, he began to panic, then his left foot slipped and his respective arm lost its grip.

“No... shit!” He scrambled to grab anything that could save him. Before he knew it, he was falling, and it was too late. The rocks dug into his skin, running across his left forearm and stomach. His body rolled the rest of the way down. He felt his back slam against the hard ground.

Castiel gasped for air and groaned, “Motherfucker.” He opened his eyes to the faint stars above him. His arms came behind him to push himself off the ground. His left arm gave way and he landed on his shoulder, “Fuck.”

He looked to his forearm and saw the thick gashes that ran crimson, his eyes wandered to his stomach and found his shirt slashed as well. “You gotta be kidding me…”

Castiel managed to hull himself up. He looked down at his body, he was a mess. White shirt was now stained with red. Arm was bloodied and bruised.

_ What are you gonna do, idiot? She literally told you to watch out for the rocks. _

_ Well it’s not your fault that the steps are fucking holes in the ground. _

“Okay,” he started, trying to clear his mind and reason with himself, “I can ditch the shirt and wear the flannel buttoned up…” he took a breath, but it was labored and heavy. He shrugged as he carefully pulled off his shirt, he could feel the cuts on his arms and stomach stretch.

Castiel bunched up his shirt and threw it into the trees, watching it disappear into the blackness of the woods. He scanned the ground around him for his flannel with the bowls inside. Located, he picked it up and unwrapped the bowls, placing them back on the ground. He put his injured arm into the sleeve first, carefully as he could.

After buttoning it up, he picked up the bowls and placed them in his injured arm. He used his good arm to fix his hair before the walk back.

When Castiel got to the house, he looked to the reflection of the back door, now closed. He was drenched in sweat and he had dirt on his neck. He decided that when he got in, he would quickly put the bowls down and make a break for the bathroom.

_ I hope that works for you. _

Castiel pushed opened the door and placed the bowls down next to Ruby. He heard her thank him as he walked past her, but he didn’t turn around.

“Where ya going, Castiel?” He stiffened as Jessica’s sweet tone filled his ears.

_ Wow, it’s settled, you’re a dumb ass. _

He wiped a smile on his face and turned around. “Bathroom.” Jessica gasped and Meg’s eyes widened as they raked over him. Jessica got up from her seated position to grab Castiel’s now covered left arm. He cringed slightly.

_ It’s not her fault, she doesn’t know. _

Castiel’s breathing deepened at the pressure, “What’s wrong?” He asked maintaining the smile and playing ignorant.

“Are you kidding, you’re a mess.” Meg panned. He shrugged, stepping away from Jessica.

“I just slipped, that hill is a tough one.” Castiel forced a laugh and rubbed his neck.

Ruby looked up from what she was doing, now writing something on a large piece of cardboard. “Did the rocks get you?” She asked, suddenly seeming worried.

“No- not at all.” He lied, shaking his head, “I’m just gonna clean myself up real quick.”

With nods from the girls and directions from Ruby, he finally slipped away to the bathroom.

Castiel took off the stuffy flannel and cleaned himself up with lots of toilet paper and warm water. His hair was a mess and he was covered in dirt. He stared at himself in the mirror, now, he could see the damage. His left forearm had three large gashes from the rocks and his stomach had six, not as large, but deep slashes. He didn’t think they would need stitches, but it definitely would take a while to heal.

_ This is just great… Tell them you’re going home. You shouldn’t have come anyways. Look what happened, you fucked up and this is gonna lead to a relapse. _

“No- stop,” Castiel said cutting himself off. “It won’t get bad… I just have to- have to keep this under control. I’ll treat them and I’ll keep down any food I eat.” He promised his rambling reflection.

_ No, you won’t. _ Castiel heard as he pulled his shirt back on, still looking in the mirror.

“Yeah? I’ve been clean for a while; this was just a minor, unintentional, setback.”

_ A while? It’s been three weeks. The cuts on your ribs are still red, barely even scarred. Who are you kidding? _

Castiel stared at himself and lifted his shirt to expose his ribs. Red, some were still scabbed. “That doesn’t mean anything. They’ll go away.”

No response.

He huffed and let his shirt fall back onto his body, exiting the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is long. Also, I'm not sure if it is understood, in my eyes it is cus I'm writing it, but there is two inner voices to Castiel. If it's not understood, that's fine, it still makes sense I think. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. Probably will get back to the present in the next chapter.


	5. Bottoms Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get some drinks.

** _September 2009_ **

After an hour or so of banter, Castiel and Dean made their way to the kitchen for a break. Castiel opened the fridge for Dean, mentioning something along the lines of ‘mi casa es su casa’. Dean laughed and poked his head in. A 24 pack of water, several removed, applesauce, pasta, and parmesan cheese came into view; the fridge did not house much.

“Do you drink at all?” Dean asked.

The question shocked Castiel a bit as he fell onto the couch, it was just the two of them in the dorm, he thought answering honestly couldn't hurt, “I would if I could buy some.” Castiel answered, looking to Dean.

“So, what you’re saying is, if you had some alcohol, you would drink with me?” Dean turned around from the fridge, a huge grin growing on his face.

Castiel’s mouth hung open and heat grew from his neck to his cheeks, “I-um, I don’t have any cash.” he lied. He had cash, but knew he had to save it.

“Pshh, I got it, don’t worry.” Dean coaxed, coming to sit next to Castiel on the couch, “Is that a yes?”

_ Why do people keep asking me that? _Castiel thought.

Castiel rolled his eyes, smiling back up, Dean seemed to have a certain way about him that Castiel found it hard to ignore, “You have to hide it when you come back in…” he huffed.

Dean jumped up from the couch, a small victory, “Yes! What do you like? Vodka? Whiskey? Wine? I’m a beer guy kinda, I don’t mind a good Scotch or Whiskey though.” He rambled.

An overwhelmed Castiel replied, “Anything you get, I will enjoy. It all does the same thing, right?”

Dean raised an eyebrow, really wanting to refute Castiel, give him specifics on how some drinks can be stronger than others and how it’s not good to mix malt-liquor with actual liquor, regardless of the dumb saying. Despite this, he held his tongue because he knew Castiel was generally right, though and didn’t want to create a conflict with someone… he felt he might really like. 

“Awesome, be back in 15, Cas.” Dean chirped as he swung their front door open.

“Cas…” Castiel said to the now silent room. “Never heard that before.”

***

Dean took the Impala to a gas station near their dorm, _ Fast and Easy. _ He chuckled at the name as he got out of the Impala, “That shouldn’t be funny- ha ha ha.”

Dean had a large build, even though he was only 18, he definitely looked 21, but he always carried a fake just in case. So, walking in, he did not expect to get ID’d; he never had been before. 

A larger, bouncer type, looking man stopped him at the door, “ID,” he panned.

Without missing a beat, Dean took his wallet from his back pocket and flashed it to the large man. He grabbed it with more force than Dean was prepared for and it slipped out of his hand. Dean almost got onto the man, but before he could speak-

“I’m sorry man, tight grip. You’re all set.” He smiled, demeanor changing like someone flipped a switch in his head. 

Dena’s eyes widened, “You nearly scared me, Scully.” he admitted, charming smile growing on his face.

“Ha-ha-ha, gotta do that for the little shits that come in here with their fakes. Just tryna scare ya.”

“Oh, makes sense, nearly worked.” He agreed, face growing red as he turned away to make his selection. 

Dean was in there all of 5 minutes. He noticed the sign above the cooler, **DRY COUNTY**, indicating he could not get any liquor, “Shit. malt will have to do.”

He checked out, spending $30. He bought a bottle of wine, 4 bootleggers, and 4 wine-based vodka shots. “Is this too much?” Dean asked himself, walking to the Impala. “I can just say I wanted to have some left.” 

Getting into the Impala, Dean took off his jacket and put the bag of alcohol into it, so when he walked into the dorm, it wouldn’t be seen.

***

Castiel smiled at the nickname, “Do I actually have an interest in him? We just met? He wants to drink together. He’s probably straight.” He fought with himself.

_ That doesn’t matter, he can’t stand you. He has no one else to hangout with here. He’s only doing this because you guys are roommates. _

Castiel’s thoughts dragged on for a good five minutes into Dean’s departure, he had had enough.

“Shut up, dammit!” Castiel shouted, getting up from the couch to change the music, Avenged Sevenfold was starting to wear his ears. Though they were his favorite band, he wanted to listen to a more calm genre.

He took a stabling breath as he walked to his phone connected to the speaker. He changed it to a chill playlist on his Spotify.

“Calm down.”

Cas heard the door open as he turned back around to the couch. “Got the loot.” Dean smiled as he walked in, kicking the door to close behind him. He removed the bag from his jacket and Cas’ jaw gaped for the second time that night.

Worry filled Dean’s body, “I wanted to have some lef-”

“How much was that?” Cas asked, cutting him off.

“It’s too much alcohol, I’m sorr- Wait what?”

Cas walked to Dean, who was trying to juggle his jacket with the bag and drinks. “I don’t care how much there is, I’m just wondering how much you spent. It seems like a lot.” Cas asked, concerned tone.

Dean smiled, “It was nothing, trust me.” He walked over to the kitchen counter top and set the bag down, throwing his jacket on the couch on the way. “Cups?”

“Ah, right here,” Cas said, making his way over to the cabinet to retrieve two cups. “I don’t have any wine glasses…”

“That’s fine,” Dean assured, “Does the same thing, right?” He smiled.

Castiel turned around, a smile matching Dean’s formed on his face. “Ha- you’re funny.”

Dean grabbed the cups out of Castiel’s hands to pour them some wine, “Yeah, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this one is shorter, I was in a crunch. Pls forgive me. Questions will be answered... at a later date. This is a little bit of domestic Destiel, which I absolutely adore. I will build off this one for next week or just add onto it because I kinda like how it ends, but I also know I can out more into it. Thanks for the support and now 10 KUDOS!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Yes this is a VERY short chapter, they WILL be longer. I've been drafting, revising, editing, rewriting, this entire story for over a year, but after many MANY requests, I decided to finally post it (the beginning, this is obviously not the entire story.)
> 
> Feedback, feedback, FEEDBACK! Please let me know, do you love it? Do you hate it? If you think it's cool, lmk, if you don't that's cool too, you do you.


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